Last weekend, I
missed my 50-year high school class reunion. Shawna and I have 14 grandkids.
Never in high school did I ever reflect forward on becoming a grandparent.
Conversely, as a grandparent, I seldom reflect backwards on my high school
experiences. But this week the two juxtaposed into a confluence that defines
the 2025 me.
I will always be a proud member of the Crystal City High
School Class of 1975. Once a Hornet, always a Hornet. But let’s be honest, high
school can really suck. Regretfully, 50 years ago, I kept my circle tight. The
cliques, the ridiculous ways we divided ourselves up to sooth our insecurities,
well, that’s so 1975. But, in 2025, we are deeper, with richer understanding of
who we are, of our humanity and the bumpy road we have all followed. We as now
senior citizens have all turned out pretty much the same.
But a long time ago, we all searched for our identities in
the same small town that has always taken pride in its roots. We cruised the
same Main Street, partied together at any house parentally deserted for the
weekend. And even though we all went our separate adult ways, we all shared a
CCHS that nourished our angst-ridden teenage souls. Fifty years ago, I was too
busy trying to get out to appreciate that my hometown was a great place to grow
up.
I enjoyed the reunion pictures recently posted on Facebook -
filled with camaraderie and affection, like a cozy 1970s crocheted vest. It is
a good chapter of life when the gauze of age has softened those long-ago sharp
edges. We, the Class of ‘75 share a pivotal life stage.
It was disappointing to miss the reunion, but not a hard
choice. Shawna and I have sat through too many Kindergarten Christmas programs
and four-year-old dance recitals to count.
My maternal grandparents, Richard and Francis Dunker, raised
ten children who all grew into successful adults, in a three-bedroom,
one-bathroom house on Crystal Heights Road. Grandma was raised in the bootheel
Arkansas boarder Missouri town of Willamette. She answered a classified ad in a
local paper for a domestic in the home of a supervisor at the local Pittsburgh
Plate Glass Company factory. A few years before, Grandpa had matriculated to
Crystal City from Perryville, MO to work at PPG. He climbed his way up to
become a crane operator, where in 1970, after 45 years of employment, he
retired.
On the Dunker side, I had 26 first cousins. Four of us were
in the same catholic school classroom first through fourth grade. Then, Rick's
mother and her siter, my mother, decided it was time to break up the comedy
team, he banished to the public school.
Saturday nights at Grandma and Grandpa’s were special. At 6
pm, we all gathered in front of the black and white TV for the Newlywed Game.
My grandmother was no more than five feet tall, but when the host Bob Eubanks
would ask a “whoopie” question, Grandma’s both feet would raise a foot straight
up from her recliner, driven by a resounding belly laugh of hilarity. By age
12, I had figured it out.
Next was Roller Derby, then Wrestling at the Chase and
finally, the network headliner, Gunsmoke. I was always sound asleep on the
living room floor before Marshall Dillon had deposited the last bad guy in the
tumble weed blown dirt of Boot Hill. There were five of us. No one got carried
to the car.
Grandpa Dunker dropped out of school in the 8th grade. He
was getting old enough, he said, the only path he saw to graduation was to
marry the teacher, so he quit. Despite a limited formal education, Grandpa was
a Grand Master of Life. Once, after Grandma had passed and I was home from
college, I took Grandpa to lunch. As we were seated, he told me, “If the
waitress has fat ankles, always order the chili.” It has proved over the years,
fail proof sage advice I have passed on to my own kids.
Grandpa’s most treasured possession was his 1944 Harley
Davidson motorcycle. Even at a young age, I just sensed my grandpa was cooler
than yours.
I learned from Grandma and Grandpa Dunker to do the small
things, and it'll lead to bigger things. They consistently modeled for 26
grandkids that belief.
My paternal grandfather, Robert Almany, died in 1934, when
my dad was three
years old. My paternal grandmother, Mary, had demons. By 1935
she had abandoned my dad in a rooming house in the St. Louis suburb of
University City. He told us that his older sister Olive and brother Robert were
fiercely protective of him, but just mere teenagers themselves. In the heights
of the Great Depression, few were lining up to adopt the four-year-old boy of
an alcoholic widow. When the police found him alone for several days and
scared, he was on a fast track to the City Orphanage
Somehow, he ended up in Union, MO with the Sherrif of
Franklin County. Several years ago I stumbled across a big clue in a 1935
newspaper story on why and how, and I wrote a blog on it. It is head scratching
and knee bucklering how a random act of kindness by a stranger changed my dad’s
life and thus mine as well. The Sherriff found dad’s Aunt Annie Murphy on a
farm south of Crystal City. She agreed to take him in. My four brothers and I
grew up on that farm.
Dad hammered into us his story. He had a choice when his
father died and his mother left him, he was going to let that motivate him and
be the best or he was going to succumb to it and become a statistic of a kid
whose parent did something she shouldn’t.
My fellow ’75 classmate Laura Morrow wrote a nice obituary
on my dad. https://www.myleaderpaper.com/.../article_a88780f8-1c40...
My dad never acknowledged it, but I know he never forgave
his mother for abandoning him as a child. Who could? This ressentiment of
betrayal on the most basic human level was a complex and compounding burden
that effected his life to the day he died.
Grandma and Grandpa Dunker’s “House on the Heights” is to
this day a beacon of a reminder of some of my best childhood memories;
comforting and welcoming. Their story isn’t just about a huge brood of
grandkids. It’s about a couple who managed to raise a large thriving family
through the depths of first the Great Depression, then the Second World War.
They laid the foundation for a legacy that today I cherish and pass on. Their
lives will influence generations to come.
Conversely, besides a copy of a wedding day photo, I have
only one black and white polaroid of my grandmother on the Almany side. In
1963, I am standing with her, expressionless. Like her life, it is stark and
blank. Until she passed away in 1976, she would periodically come to live with
us. I assumed it was an “all-other options were exhausted” necessity. It never
lasted long and it was never good. Dad said as far as he knew, his mother never
slept one night of her life in a house she owned.
But life doesn’t always move in straight lines. We are a
melting pot and all things are connected. Ninety-one years ago, a grandfather
of whom I know nothing, died. Last week I missed my 50-year high school
reunion. In a uniquely American way, it all fits nicely.